Once upon a time, there was a young girl who lived in a world of imagination. Cars were spaceships. Basements were troll's caverns. Backyards full of snow were vast extraterrestrial wastelands to be explored. What ever happened to that little girl? Most of you would not be surprised to find out she became a science fiction writer. She (which is to say I) also turned out to be a lifestyle player of S/M.

So much S/M play, like writing, like theater, engages the creative imagination--the child's game of "let's pretend" that has grown up with us. For some, the roles are not too far from the realms of current reality (Daddy, police officer), others delve into the past (Victorian governess, Inquisitor, cowboy). Is it so far a jump then to use roles and settings which are entirely fantasy? I think not. John Norman's GOR series, regardless of one's literary tastes, has surely fueled as many S/M scenes as John Preston's Mr. Benson. (Can't abide the GOR books? How about Anne Rice/A.N. Roquelaure and The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty?) I identify with certain roles, I use them in my play, I mold them to suit us--I cannot draw a line between playing at "real world" roles and fantasy roles. They are all a fantasy, all an extended "let's pretend."

I am no longer surprised when I go to a play party at someone's house and find their book collection looks very similar to mine. A small shelf of Pat Califia, Anne Rice, The Story of O, of course, but also shelves and shelves of science fiction and fantasy. I am no longer surprised when I meet people at Renaissance fairs or science fiction conventions, and discover I already know them from the S/M community. Or vice versa. "There's so much crossover," people say. But I think there is no "crossover." We have always all been one. "We," those who never discarded "let's pretend" as childish, who would not kill our imaginative spirits for the sake of adulthood or society, "we" as adults create the subcultures that fulfill us, we create the opportunities to let our fantasies roam--with science fiction conventions, where Klingons and faeries inhabit hotels, with role playing games (Dungeons and Dragons' multitudinous spawn), and with S/M sexuality.

I am the Supreme Goddess, demanding worship and tribute. I am a feral humanoid, captured by aliens and sold to be broken and trained. I am a vampire, ravishing my sweet victim. I am a love-machine, programmed to respond to my ownerÕs command. When we play at letÕs pretend, the boundaries between what is real and what is not become immaterial. I can play any of these roles as easily as I can be a school teacher, french maid, Gestapo officer, or any other real world role. Perhaps more easily--when I make up new worlds, new roles, I can tailor the role to suit me, my preferences. This is the writer in me talking--I can fantasize the perfect master, with just the right blend of sadism, dominance, and skill, and I can fantasize why such a person would exist, and who their perfect partner would be. My fantasies become my stories, itÕs true. But they also become S/M scenes I play out in the bedroom.

I run workshops from time to time on introducing erotic fantasy play into the sex lives of couples. One point many vanilla couples need stressed is that by playing at roles, you are not wishing your lover was someone they are not, you are not saying subtly that they are inadequate or Ōgood enoughĶ for you. Rather, you are entering into a fantasy world with your lover to bring you closer together, to strengthen your relationship. This is something the S/M couples in the audience grasp intrinsically. We are exploring psychic territory, learning things that cannot be learnt about ourselves or our partners without pushing ourselves. Someone once said that science fiction is not about the future, it is about the here and now. Likewise our fantasies are not about someone else, they are about what is in our hearts and minds, a reflection of what is deep in us.

I like to live my life with that double-vision of letÕs pretend. My car no longer looks so much like a spaceship to me any more. But my lover is sometimes a princess, sometimes a panther, and when I look in the mirror I see a Lady, a Master, a vampire, a Goddess...

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