Cecilia Tan's web journal, entries from 2000


December 13, 2000

Our house is blue.

I mean, really blue, cobalt blue. With a pale blue trim. I'm getting used to it, but I really really thought, when we chose colors with the painter, that it was to be the other way around, a light blue house with a deep blue trim. corwin thought the opposite, and convinced the painter that it was a good idea. The house is now very easy to pick out, and I think I have to send apology cards to my neighbors, whose formerly yellow house is now green from the intense blue glow, and on the other side the ones who's dining room is also awash daily in the extraordinary blueness.

Meanwhile, I finished The Velderet (yay!) and need to do some cleaning up in it to make stuff consistent all the way through. That makes it the second novel I've finished -- the other one is the one I cut 60,000 words out of last winter and then sent to my agent... and I haven't really heard from her since. She emailed me in June saying she was reading it... but then nothing. Gulp, should I be worrying yet?

I find myself stalled on The Book of Want (the erotic novel mosaic, a sensual Einstein's Dreams) at the moment, as all I want to write about is baseball! There's just not much opportunity to write about baseball AND sex... except for some 'fan' fiction I've written that really can't be published... ahem. I may end up writing the Babe Ruth novel before I get back to The Book of Want. But I'm not going to start writing that one until some more of my research is done. No rushing in this time.

I'm plugging along in my workout schedule, just barely making my minimum with riding the exercise bike and going to the batting cage at least once a week. Yeah, the batting cage. There's loads more on that subject in the baseball journal.

Julian moved to Colorado and the next time I see him will probably be the Spring, for Spring Training in Tampa. And by the end of the year my parents will have moved down there permanently. It'll be odd not to be able to just pop down and visit them, and where will I stay when I go to see the Yankees? Life is complicated... and always about baseball.


November 4, 2000

Okay, so the Yankees won. As far as I'm concerned, that's the best sign that there is a God, and all is right with the universe. But actually, all is NOT right in the baseball world--sad to say, but both of the Yankees official web sites are undergoing massive changes as a result of MLB's Internet revenue sharing and centralization plan. Yankees Xtreme, the great site I have been writing for all season, is folding. And yankees.com, though remaining operational, has been stripped down quite a bit as the web company that had been running it threw in the towel, as well. It looks as though the Yankees will be building it up from in-house, though, which is good.

Meanwhile, I've completely revamped my own baseball writing site, and also finally got around to registering a new domain name for myself. So from now on, plesae bookmark and link to this page at http://www.ceciliatan.com/home.html and for the baseball journal http://www.ceciliatan.com/baseball.html.

Perhaps the best news of all in my writing life is that I'm actively working on The Velderet novel/serial again, and quite literally have only two scenes left to write. Unfortunately, one of them is probably the most difficult scene in the book, and I'm having trouble with it. Hmm. Still, look for it to be done completely soon, and to be out from Circlet Press in 2001.

What else? Nothing new, really. Same old same old. Disney World was great. I tweaked my knee while washing dishes. (Stupid, I know...) More next month...


October 3, 2000

Baseball playoffs season starts today, and I am at peace with whatever outcome may occur. Or, at least I'd like to think so. My Yankees limped and then fell flat on their faces at the end of the season (seven losses in a row, plus losing 14 of the last 17...), but the season ended before anyone could catch up. I think tonight will be a whole different story, but in case it isn't... well, I like to think I'm mature enough and wise enough to handle loss. But I tell you, I'll feel a LOT better if they win!

I am in denial that I have some kind of flu bug--queasy stomach, icky taste in my mouth, constantly losing my voice... argh. I'm trying to rest and recuperate, but September and October are always the busiest months, and also always the time exhaustion catches up with me. So I'm trying to take it easy, but... deadlines, but.... work, but... people need me... I'll survive.

I wrote a story this week, which shouldn't seem like such a big deal, but it's the first thing I've finished in months and months and months, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something other than just sucking up the Earth's resources by being here. So forgive me if I'm patting myself on the back a lot for doing it... but it's been kind of a drought.

In two weeks I have a short (but not restful) vacation planned--three days in Disneyworld--then King Richard's ends, and then comes November. I think Philcon in Philadelphia is the only place I'm going in November, there's Duck Day, and then comes the Christmas holidays. But with any luck I will get to hibernate a bit, and write, and play with my cats, and clean my house... soon. Very soon.


September 18, 2000

Sometimes you get what you wish for. Last month in this journal I had mentioned that I was writing a column every other week for the New York Yankees official web site, and that I wish I could write more often. Well, now I'm doing it weekly.

Actually, I seem to quite often have my wishes fulfilled. The secret to leading a charmed life is, I think, to be open to good fortune. I hope I never forget that.

Not that everything is perfect at the moment, but I am enjoying trying to get the most out of life, tiring as that may be. I'm working at King RIchard's Faire again, my eleventh year selling flutes for Billy Miller (Wind & Wood Flutes, teaching tae kwon do, trying and failing to get Circlet's fall books finished (I have no interns right now which has severly crippled my productivity...), AND trying to do my writing. Aside from the baseball writing, I'm trying to get some actual fiction work done, and finally have an incentive to do it.

A good friend of mine who is also a writer recently moved into th eBoston area and we're having lunch once a week. We've made a pact. Between lunches we'reto spend at least three sessions of minimum one hour each at our word processors writing fiction. Not doing anything else. And if either of us don't make our quota, the other one send five bucks to the George W. Bush campaign in the one who failed's name. So it's an incentive to put the writing time in.

We've done it for three weeks now, and if I put in an hour today, I'll have succeeded all three weeks. I haven't written much, but I have produced some good pieces for The Book of Want, which is probably the smart thing to concentrate on money-wise... meanwhile, I've convinced my writers group to do the same thing, only it's 12 hours or one complete story by next month, since we meet monthly. But that means it's potential double-jeopardy for me if I drop the ball...

I am sore in lots of weird places today. My forearms ache and it's hard to type. No, it's not from the computer. It's from playing pinball over the weekend. I am so not happy that I need to be in shape and warm up just to play pinball. But I did get the second highest score on this one machine ("Earthquake") which meant the game I played was like 20 minutes long, and of course you get a free game when you get on the high score list, and on that game I got enough points for another free game, so I played even longer. I guess I do hit the flippers pretty hard and furiously sometimes. I'm refusing to take any ibuprofen today though. Soreness, I can live with it. I'll save the Vitamin I for when I think there's an injury to baby, like my knee, or any of my other gimpy parts...

P.S. Go Yanks.


August 7, 2000

The month of July essentially disappeared and was swallowed up by the giant time sink that is the Fetish Fair Fleamarket, while what small precious free time was left was taken up with reponse to the community crisis mentioned last month (the arrests in Attleboro--see www.paddleboro.com for info on the Paddleboro Defense League). I also worked a ton of hours at the martial arts school, while my boss was on vacation.

But now it's August and I'm getting ready for a slice of time off before the crazy onslaught that the Fall always is sets in. corwin and I are going to New Jersey, where we plan to see some Yankee games, and sit on the beach, and eat good pizza and play as much Skee Ball as we can stand. Basically, a re-run of last year's August trip, which was really restful and nice.

This weekend was sort of the start of the vacation mindset, even though I don't leave for another few weeks. Yesterday I got up, went clothes shopping with a friend, poked into some funky cool housewares stores (check out www.theMUT.com, The Museum of Useful Things), then played wiffle ball, then rode the scooter to dinner while corwin skated on his blades, had a great yummy japanese dinner at Yasu's (actually called Tampopo), then met a bunch of friends at a candlepin bowling alley and bowled until midnight--whereupon we trekked to Harvard Square for ice cream since Herrell's is open until midnight. (Yes, I've bought a Razor--a human-powered scooter, and I'm scooting to and from work every day. I know, I used to jog to and from work to stay in shape. But now that I've been working out more regularly, what I really want is a FASTER way to get to work. The scooter is wonderful for this, and I feel SOOOOO Gen X strapping on my Triple Eight helmet and zipping down the street on it. Something tells me this was not something that thirty-somethings of past generations would have done...)

Boy does my arm hurt. Bowling really hurts my shoulder--that on top of wiffling yesterday AND today again--and I have swelling and muscle soreness. I kind of wonder if I have an ongoing thing with my rotator cuff or what... I suppose if I'm going to keep up with wiffle stuff, I'll have to figure it out. But well, if I don't overdo it, as I definitely did yesterday, then probably I DON'T have to worry about it. For now, Ice and Ibuprofen are my bedmates.

I'll write more about my wiffle ball experiences in the baseball journal, which I am still updating, though I've had less time to do so recently. It's at Why I Like Baseball. And I'm still writing a column every other Saturday for Yankees Xtreme (www.yankeesxtreme.com). I'd write more often, but that's as often as they want me... and I guess given how busy I am, it's just as well.


July 9, 2000

The other night a group of about six of us were walking through Harvard Square and the thought that went through my mind was "What a delightul life we're living." We had just spent an hour in line outside Wordsworth's children's bookstore, waiting for midnight to come and the new Harry Potter book to be in our hands. We'd come from Chinatown, where a delicious and economical vietnamese dinner was had, the Yankees were winning over the Mets 2-0, the weather was crisp and perfect... really, what have I got to complain about?

It gets better. I came home to find the Yanks in first place and both of my cats in good moods. Then yesterday I got to work out, play Wiffle Ball with friends, and then watch the Yankees on TV, a very rare treat. My life is full of good things.

No, everything's not perfect. I strained a little ligament or something in my foot. We're behind schedule getting everything ready for the fleamarket. There's a community crisis in the form of several arrests made of SM players in Mass. that we are responding to. But really, there's little I'd change at this point in my life. I am surrounded by people I love, which makes all other things sweeter.

The other night before we went to Chinatown, corwin and I had played some catch and then walked home. Thunderclouds then rolled in, and from my third floor window I watched an impressive show, a giant double-arced rainbow, lightning bolts shooting through it, and then an intense orange and purple sunset. It's a cliche but I'll say it anyway. Life is good.


June 9, 2000

Well, the good news is that working out and rehab exercises really work. Since I picked up the pace and have been working out at least twice a week, I am experiencing very little in the way of back, neck, shoulder, knee or anywhere else pain. Phew. It was a tough hump to get over, now I just have to keep it up. Not only that, but I got my eyes checked this week prior to getting new glasses, and guess what? My eyes got better! I improved from -1.75 to -1.25, the minimum prescription for nearsightedness. The doctor said I might even be able to pass the eye test at the registry of motor vehicles. Wouldn't that be nice?

It all goes to show that time, dedication, perseverance, and blah blah blah really work. Ten minutes a day of eye exercises, about every other day. Of course, to get back to 20/20 I'm going to have to quit looking at this computer screen every day, and there's no chance of that.

In other news, I'm now writing a biweekly column for Yankees Xtreme, the New York Yankees web site at www.yankeesxtreme.com which, as you can well imagine, excites me greatly. I'm continuing to update my baseball journal Why I Like Baseball about once a week, as well. In fact, I just realized that the Why I Like Baseball entries now total over 40,000 words. Yowza. What was I saying earlier about perseverance?

I'm feeling really good about the book business right now, too. Just came back from the annual Book Expo America convention with optimistic feelings. Many bookstores are still struggling, but many have had positive years for the first time in a long time, and orders are encouraging.

In fact, the only thing in my life right now that is less than perfect is that I don't have any time for fiction writing. A perennial problem. And the one that's next on my list to solve, I suppose...


May 5, 2000

Well, I was going to say something about frustration with the weather, but today, at last, it's 77 degrees and sunny, and it looks like it'll stick for a while. Maybe instead I should write about my frustration with my body, which refuses to get back in shape with the measly attnetion I've ben able to give it. I had a great day physically yesterday, no aches or pains, had agreta class, taught two lessons, and felt realy good. Then while walking home from dinner, my ankle started to feel funny. This morning I woke up and it's definitely a mild sprain. No idea when I did it or how. I've never had ankle problems before. Add it to the ever-growing list of rehab projects.

That's what my life has turned into, a never-ending series of rehab projects. Exercises for my naturally hyperextensible knees, for my chronic back pain, for my shoulder & elbow R.S.I., for my eyeballs from staring at the computer screen too much.

You'd think as a writer and book junkie that I'd be hapy to just let it all go and live in the realm of my mind. But I'm just not happy when my physical self isn't happy. So I persevere. I get ahead in some areas, I fall behind in some, new ones crop up, like the ankle. Hopefully, I'll get ahead of it all soon, and be able to say I'm back in shape. I haven't been in shape since I got my black belt in 1996, and then injured my back. That's a long time. People can get their college degrees in that time. Time to get cracking.


April 7, 2000

So, tomorrow I turn 33 years old. Yeah, I know. The other night as I was going to sleep, I had a thought for this journal entry that was brilliant, cogent, poignant and entertaining. But then I fell asleep, and forgot it. Anyway, it was probably something about my birthday...

I've been having a lot of long, complicated dreams lately. I had a doozy that I think might actually turn into a book, about Babe Ruth, and the "curse" on the Red Sox, and a zany modern day voodoo commando mission to reverse it. Yeah, yeah, if I had time to write another book, though, I'd right now be working on one of the many I've already got due. Maybe next year, I'll have more time. Don't I always say that?

Life is about to get hectic again, just when I was getting used to being home a lot and taking life easy. Well, relatively easy, as my life goes. It tough--I love to travel, but now I love to stay home and have my routine, too. As with all things in life, finding the right balance is the key, I guess.


March 1, 2000

La, la, la, leaving for Tampa on Sunday. And, excited though I am about the trip (I'm so excited I've already packed and I'm having dreams about it...), I've now spent basically two entire months at home without any road trips... and I feel more happy and centered in my life than I have in a long time. Coincidence? I don't think so.

I love to travel, but I'm only just now beginning to really value staying home. It's nice to have food in the fridge and a clean bedroom. It's nice to not be behind deeadlines all the time or have to be checking my messages constantly. It's nice to have my cats in a good mood all the time.

Even better than "nice," I actually get some writing done. Short term projects, short stories, articles, deadlines, that stuff I can do on a short notice, drop of a hat, in an airport or wherever. But long term stuff like novels and bigger projects, I need my headspace clear to make any progress.

On the other hand, if all I ever did was stay home, I'd have nothing to write about. So I'll let you know how Tampa was. I'm sure I'll make several entries about it in my Baseball Journal (Why I Like Baseball). There are over a dozen essays, reminiscences, and entries up already...


February 1, 2000

OK, traditionally it seems I talk about three things in these journals: writing, sex, and the weather/seasons. OK, and, more recently, baseball. In fact, the urge to talk about nothing but baseball is strong. But I'm resisting. How about politics instead?

One of the most depressing things I did recently was to try to listen to some of the presidential candidates' debates. Man, what a crock of sh*t, and I don't just mean the Republicans. I've decided I'm better off not hearing too much of this part of the campaigns. What do I want in a President? Someone who can be a diplomat within the US government to build consensus and move forward a progressive, liberal agenda, that's what. Centrism is good right now, as far as I'm concerned, because it drags the right wing toward the left. If the left gets dragged a bit to the right, it's worth it to me. But is it too much to ask for a President who could be a mediator and also someone I could respect? The "stand up for principles" candidates tend to command respect, but seem just like the sort of guys who won't cut a deal when one is needed. Man, but democracy is messy. "Compromise" has two meanings, after all, one of them negative, as in "compromised his principles." Sigh--I will wait and see how things develop...

Meanwhile, I'm fairly sick of winter. I'm sure if I had the money and time to ski, I'd be psyched about all the snow on the ground. But instead I find myself, for perhaps the first time, really wishing hard for Spring. It's not just the baseball, either. Why do my elbows ache? I think it's winter. I seem to have held off the flu without a shot this year, but the nagging aches and pains seem worse. Argh! Even as I'm getting one part of my body into better and better shape, other parts that were never a problem are breaking down. I swear it is just like when a car hits its warranty. Once I hit thirty, everything needs maintenance. I'll be thirty three in two months...


January 7, 2000

So, if you're reading this, then the Y2K bugs didn't keep you from doing so. I thought about going down to the basement and popping the circuit breakers at 12:00 midnight on New Year's Eve, but then all the UPS's would have beeped and really, it wouldn't have been THAT funny. Instead my parents came up, a ton of friends came over, and we ate and had mambo lessons in the dining room and a good time was had by all.

I had my first workout of the year today and who knows, maybe I'll make my new year's resolution this year (which is to get in at least 80 workouts this year and start sparring again), and I did some fiction writing for the first time in months (actually it was rewriting, but even still...) so I feel the year is off to a good start.

And baseball season still hasn't started, but I'm dealing with my withdrawl with daily visits to several baseball web sites (sigh). The Yankees have re-upped David Cone and dumped Hideki Irabu, Chili Davis is retired but they resigned Leyritz, and now we just have to see what they do with Andy Pettitte, Derek Jeter, and Mariano Rivera... Yeah, I've got it bad and can't wait for the season to start. My brother and I have plans to fly to Tampa and see some spring training games, that's how bad it is...



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